Explaining My 2-Month Long Hiatus

Transcribed from the episode recorded on October 23, 2023

Okay, I am finally back, and I definitely have to explain why I took a 2 month-long hiatus, after saying in the last episode that we were back to our regular schedule of uploading on Fridays. This episode will probably be longer than usual, so lay down, grab some snacks and a drink, put on your headphones, and let’s get into this.

I’m not even sure where to begin. First off, I want to take a moment to apologize to you guys, who take the time to listen to my podcast - and now read, which I will discuss later - each week, and show me your support. I feel like I’m letting you guys down, and I hate that. If I say I’m going to upload weekly, I should uphold that promise. To be honest, I've been slacking on more than the podcast. I’ve been slacking on all my content pages - yes, I said all, I now have about 5 or 6, at least - as well as slacking at school, and even in my home life. It’s not due to laziness, or being burnt out, it’s due to a combination of that, as well as something else that I want to take a bit of time to talk about.

Like many other people, I struggle with mental illness. On my main social media, I post about mental illness whenever I see something about it, whether it’s once a month, or multiple times a day. I like to make people aware of it and normalize that it’s okay to talk about it, whether it’s posting about it on social media, venting to a friend, or even talking to a licensed therapist. I have done, and still do, all of these things. I vent to my friends when I can, but most of the time I tend to just vent to my content partner. I have been to therapy twice, the second time was shortly after I decided to stop going. I stopped going because I thought I had a better understanding of how my mind worked, and 2 weeks later, I went back to my therapist for about a month. After we talked more, we decided that I was only going to need a few more sessions, which I took the opportunity to do. I’ve been out of therapy for almost a year, and I’m thinking about going back in the next few months. I want to point out, there is nothing wrong with going to therapy, or even going back. It can be super beneficial, whether you’re going to just vent to a trusted professional, talk about an issue that’s bothering you, sleep issues, body issues, or even just to better your mind and mental state. I had gone because one of my previous jobs offered free therapy, and I had some stuff I wanted to fix in my life. I recently decided that I was thinking about going back, even if it would be a lengthy process all over again. A few weeks ago, I was lying in bed with my content partner and suddenly got overstimulated. When that happens, I tend to go non-verbal. I started hitting his arm to get his attention, and he snapped at me and said, “What?”. I don’t think he meant to snap at me, I think he was just trying to sleep, and me slapping his arm was obviously doing the opposite. I instantly just broke down crying, because he had snapped at me. I started pulling at the sweater I was wearing, and he helped me take it off, apologizing that he had snapped. I sat in the bed for like, half an hour, just bawling my eyes out, no talking, no eye contact, just looking into my lap, crying. My partner and I both said that it’s been a while since I had a breakdown, and I’ve been overstimulated many times, some of them worse than that, but they rarely ever ended with me crying for half an hour. I wish I could explain why that happened, or what caused it, but I really can’t. I could chalk it up to being stressed recently, or maybe having something on my mind that was detrimental, but I can’t. I wouldn’t be being honest if I said that, and I am always honest with you guys. Mentally, I’ve just been super drained. I gave up. For about a month, I’ve just laid in bed watching TV, not doing school, or working on content. I’ve also been busy, working on things related to school and content as well, which I want to take a moment to talk about since it’s big news for me, as well as you.

Like I mentioned before, my podcast is now readable. For the past few weeks, I have been building my own website, which includes my content pages, social media, what I look like outside of content, and top stories of the month, along with this podcast, transcribed for those of you who may like to read along, or just read something instead of listening! The most difficult part of this process was finding a site or app to use, to transcribe the audio to text. I wanted to find one that I liked, that was also free. In the end, I ended up just listening to each segment multiple times and typing it out, which is very time-consuming. I also struggled with trying to figure out what I wanted the site to look like and redid it about 3 times, until I was happy with it. I’m happy to say that the site is now live, and gets updated quite frequently. Along with making the site, I’ve also been active in my school’s Greek Life. I was accepted into my college’s online sorority, which takes up a bunch of time, due to all the meetings, talking to the Executive Council, talking to other members, and working on the paddle for my sorority “Big Sister”, as well as getting to know her. The meetings typically take place around 8:00 or 8:30 at night my time and can last anywhere between 10 minutes to a few hours. That means that at night, when I typically work on content, I’m on a Zoom call with at least 25 people, talking about the sorority. I’m in the process of rearranging my whole schedule, including switching to school part-time, my content, completing household chores, and spending time with friends and family. I’m also trying to find a Work-From-Home job, so I can bring in a stable weekly income since I don’t always make money from selling content.

Looking for a job, whether it’s in person or not, in my opinion, is a whole job itself. I've rewritten my resume like 3 times, have a cover letter draft that I have to edit for each job position constantly, search for fully remote jobs, that I’m qualified for, and making sure that I fully read the job description to see any benefits offered, or to make sure it’s a legitimate job and not a scam. I applied to so many jobs in the last few weeks. Some of them were pretty simple, I just had to upload my resume, fill out the basic questions that are asked, and then answer a few other questions based on the company. A few of them had a lengthy application process, where you would upload your resume, and then re-enter all the information by hand, answer the typical questions, company-based questions, and THEN fill out an insanely long assessment that's based on your skills and opinions. I just finished one that took like 2 hours, and it was so stressful. I also ended up making an all-new email that I’m using specifically for job applications, and whatever future work-from-home job I get. That way, I don’t have to constantly scroll through my email looking for the applications or job offers, and I can keep everything organized. Some of the companies seem low-key sketchy to me, so I’m being super careful when filling everything out. Hopefully, I get accepted to one soon because a bitch needs more moolah.

As most of you know, I've been making content since June of this year, and I've slowly gained a little traction, especially on my free OnlyFans. I have almost 500 on my free account, and I'm working on getting more to the premium account. That is super tricky, especially since I took some time off. I've started doing Share-For-Share with other creators again, and I'm about to do it for my premium account so that I get more fans there. I always have discounts on my account, so hopefully that entices more people to subscribe! I also made a discount for the first month, for the first 100 new subscribers, that way people hopefully subscribe. Because let's be honest, having like 12 fans on the premium, with only half that have their rebill on, isn't super impressive. Yeah, I make $60 total if they all have rebill turned on in a month, but I'm only making about half of that each month, since some people used the discounts I offer, or don't have their rebill turned on. I'm in the process of removing the discounts just to see how that affects my earnings - whether people turn off their rebill and unsubscribe, or if it brings me in more money! It's all about trial and error over here, and if it does worse than good, I'll add them back on. I'm all about making money, and helping other creators make money too! That's why I do the Share-For-Share, so creators aren't paying for promotions that may not even be legit. On my premium account, I also started something I call Top Tippers, where my fans have a chance to receive premium content for free. To be eligible, all they have to do is send a tip on the message I sent explaining it, and they get added to the potential tippers list. After that, they have to spend money on me in some way, whether it’s sending me a random tip, purchasing menu content, locked content, or donating to my fundraisers. Once they reach a certain amount of money spent, which I’m still working out how much that is, they’ll be added to the Top Tippers list, and receive a piece of content for free, whether it’s a locked item or just a random piece of content. This is a nice opportunity to earn more money, and if they have their rebill turned on, they receive that free content that I randomly send out once a month, along with the Top Tippers content. Hopefully, this goes well, because I want to make more money and make more content for people.

On my SnapChat, I've made a whole bunch of changes. I deleted the private story I had, and instead changed it into a group chat. This has already had some issues and it’s been set up for like a week or so. I've had some people leave because they joined it late and couldn't see what was previously sent, I've had someone tell me to post more interesting stuff and a whole number of things. Some people got upset if I didn't post in it every day, which is insane because I have a life outside of selling content. I also have a life at night, which some people don't understand. One person added me and wanted to do a 5-minute video call at night, which I typically don't do. I explained to him that if there's no talking involved I'd be willing to do it and told him that I needed an hour until I was available, but in the meantime, he could send me the money so that we were all set when the time came. He decided to wait to send the money until about 5-10 minutes before the session, which was completely fine! I had my ring light set up, my toy set out and clean, everything I would need to make the call enjoyable for both of us. He told me he was sending the money, and I explained that once I received it, I would call, and I'd start the timer for the call when he answered. After about 5 minutes I still didn't see the payment, so I asked him to send me a screenshot of the payment to make sure that he sent it to the right account. He told me he would, and then instantly went ghost. After about half an hour, I put everything away and just watched TV. I figured I wasn't going to be able to make any money the rest of that night, and was pretty upset about it. I had set aside time for him, and because of that, I lost time and potential money from others. I had told him that the next night when he had messaged me, and all he did was make excuses, like that he had to go to sleep early that night for work, and then asked if I was able to make the call then. I explained that I typically wasn't available at night and that if he wasn't available at 1:30 in the morning, 5:00 wouldn't be much of a difference if he had work. I had also called him out for lying about sending the money and even pointed out that he was probably hoping I would do the call without seeing the proof of purchase, and then realized after that I did it for free. He pretty much blew over the conversation and tried to move onto a different topic, which upset me even more since he didn't own up to it. I've noticed that ever since coming back, I've gotten a little stricter on my SnapChat, which I should have done from the beginning. At this point, I don't care if people don't like how I run my account, as long as I like how I run it.

I updated my menu, my little Share-For-Share posters, my page sections, and even the type of content I'm starting to make. I decided to try out making slow-mo videos, shower videos, lotion videos, and take a lot of pictures to either post or sell. I think I've taken like 10 different pictures and videos each night, just of my naked body, or stripping, or doing stuff seductively. I even downloaded photo blurring and video blurring apps so I can post the pictures on my accounts and in the private story so that it doesn't fully show what I'm doing. It's made my nights a little busier, but it also gives me a whole bunch of content that I can schedule for when I'm sick, on my period, or just don't feel like physically posting that day. This way, I have the content, I can schedule the post or message for a specific day, and I can continue for the rest of the week. This is super helpful, especially now that I'm spending all my time doing schoolwork and looking for jobs. The most time-consuming part of all of it is editing the content, and if I do my hair and makeup. Everything else is super quick and easy to do. I check my messages a few times a day, since I like to join contests on my free account, and occasionally get messages from fans, but other than that, I don't pay much attention to my messages. I don't have a lot of fans or messages on my other content pages, so I pay the most attention to my OnlyFans accounts. I check my other accounts maybe once a week unless I get a message on them. I'm also trying to remake a schedule for my content pages so that I have certain stuff to upload every day or week or so. I need to make sure that this schedule lines up with my school schedule and personal time and make sure that I stick between the times I’m going to work, just to make sure I don't overwork myself. I used to work outside of what I scheduled, which had a big impact on my sleep and mental health. That was such a bad idea, and I ended up getting screwed in the end since I would schedule lives and end up sleeping through them. This time, I'm going to make sure that I have enough time and energy to do stuff like lives and interact with fans in my messages. The important thing is that I just don't overwork myself, and still leave time to hang out with my friends and content partner when he gets out of work.

I think one of the most important things when it comes to doing sex work or being a content creator, is making sure that you're comfortable with what you're posting or sending, and that you establish boundaries between fans. Don't let them walk all over you, or tell you that your prices are too high - that's their way of saying that they can't afford you! And if you don't offer any free services or certain content, and they keep trying to get it, respectfully tell them that you don't do that and that your page isn't the place to look for that. I had someone ask for a picture of my face, and then ask for another one of me sticking out my middle finger; I sent it behind a locked wall and he told me that if he had to pay for it I could have just told him that. I explained to him that I'll send 1 picture, and if they want another one after that, they have to pay for it. I went on more to explain that rarely anything on my page is free, and if that's what he was looking for, my page wasn't the one to look at. Then he asked if I had any JOI videos, and I told him I didn't, but if he wanted one I could make it and told him what the price would be. He proceeded to slyly ask how to do it a certain way, and I once again explained that that was a service he'd have to pay for. He hasn't paid for anything, but constantly messages me and calls me baby and says he loves me, and I just kind of ignore it hoping that it will diminish soon. I don't like to tell people the same thing more than once, but I think I'm going to have to send him a message that says something about how I get a lot of messages throughout the day, so if he wants a guaranteed answer, he has to send me a tip which will grab my attention more than a message. He does this all on my free account, so I have every right to tell him that. Don't ever let anyone waste your time; if they seem like a freeloader, send them a locked message at like $5 and see if they pay for it, or just read the message, or say something about paying. That's how I always eliminate the freeloaders on my pages. It may seem super time-consuming, and like a waste of time to interact with them, but it's super beneficial to figure out who's just following to look at your content for free, and who's following to buy content and interact with you. One thing I'm thinking about doing soon is drip messaging, where you send the content behind a paywall and slowly increase the price of each one. If they don't respond to the first one, I don't interact with them. I also love sending out locked mass messages to my fans to see who actually opens them. I do that on all of my platforms, just to interact with my fans and sometimes start a conversation. It can be time-consuming like I already said, but you can build some real relationships with your fans, which means that they may potentially buy more. This is why I love having a whole bunch of content already filmed and edited so that you can spend less time trying to make the content, and more time dripping the content. It's also beneficial when you're in the middle of a sexting session, and they want to see some pictures! You don't have to waste precious time from the session to take the pictures or videos, you can already have them on deck. The point is to spend more time making money, and not having them wait for a picture in the middle of their session.

At the end of the day, everything about sex work and content creation is about the money, in my honest opinion. Yeah, you do it for people to see your body, but how many people do it strictly for that? No one that I know does. Everyone that I know does it to make a little money. Think about how much money you put into your content. Between the amount of time you spend filming and editing content, doing your hair and makeup, answering messages and posting, the actual money you spend on toys, makeup, hair, outfits, and anything you use for content. That’s a lot of money. Time is money, it’s an old saying, and insanely true. The amount of time you put into stuff you eventually get paid for. Whether it’s from a fan, or maybe another job, you will get paid for that time. Even if you don’t receive the full amount of money that would add up to the time you spent, you still get paid. You may not make as much as other creators, and that’s completely fine! Some of them have been selling content for years, or make content different than what you make, and that’s fine. You will eventually get to that point, you just have to keep working towards it. I never thought I would have almost 500 fans on my page in 4 months, but I do. You have to set goals for yourself and work up to them, to achieve what you want. Whether you have a certain follower count you want to reach, or a certain amount of money you want to see at the end of the month, you need to work towards those. It’s not just going to fall into your lap, or magically happen. You need to work your ass off to get to those goals, no matter how small they are. I work my ass off all the time, and even then I don’t always achieve my goals. All that matters is that you try your hardest, do your best, and don’t do more than you’re comfortable with.

Recently, I’ve been opening up more to random people about content creation. Whether it’s someone on social media who asks about it, on a post that shames it, or just to people that I know would support it as my main form of income. I love pointing out that it isn’t an easy job, or considered “easy money”. You spend hours a day working on your content, promoting your content, answering messages, and a whole lot more. I love telling people that shame it, and say it isn’t a “real” job, what goes into it daily, and that they wouldn’t last doing it for a day. Not to mention the amount of harassment you get from people; that’s a whole other topic. You need to have a strong mentality to work in this industry. You work long hours, and can sometimes lose sleep, miss out on functions because you have to spend all day filming and editing, and so much more. You don’t have to be mentally well, because let’s be honest, most of us aren’t, but you need to be mentally strong. When I deal with harassers, I love giving them the same attitude back. I like to point out that they shame sex work, but they still watch porn, or they added your social media that’s for content; I had someone message me on OnlyFans shaming me for doing it, and I pretty much pointed out that they went out of their way to subscribe to my account, which is all about sex work, to send me a message about how I shouldn’t be doing it. I will clap back at someone, and I’m not afraid to. I will tell people that my prices are set for a reason, and if they think it’s too high, that my account isn't the place for them. You need to have a backbone working in this industry. There are going to be people who don’t like it and will go out of their way to tell you, but it’s up to you how you respond. You can ignore their messages and comments, or you can shoot back at them with facts and observations. You don’t have to be nice to everyone. You should always be nice to your buyers, and potential buyers, but don’t be afraid to put them in their place if you have to. You don’t owe anyone anything. Now, if someone buys something from you, you owe them that, but aside from that. Figure of speech. People have this idea in their minds that adult entertainers will follow everything they say. I don’t know if it’s something they learned from somewhere, or if they think they have power, but you don’t have to do everything someone says. If you aren’t comfortable with it, don’t do it. Simple as that. If they keep pressuring and hounding you, it’s as simple as hitting the block button. You don’t owe them an explanation on why you won’t do something, you can just say, “I don’t offer that, sorry!” and move on to the next. Don’t get your stress levels up over someone who doesn’t pay attention. Make the content you want to make, and don’t let anyone boss you around. Remember, you’re your own boss. Not the people buying your content, or the sites you post on; you.

So as everyone knows, I like to tell stories that I’ve experienced as a content creator. During my break, I thought about what I wanted to change in my podcast. What can make it more enjoyable, more engaging, and more inclusive to other creators? I decided to take a page out of another Podcaster’s book and allow other creators to be featured on my podcast. For those of you who don’t know, I got into podcasting by being a guest on Splash OnlyFans Tips. If you don’t know who Splash is, she is a creator turned promoter and Podcaster, who shares all of her tips that she has learned in the industry, as well as letting other creators share their knowledge. I was a guest on the show a few episodes back and realized that I wanted to create a podcast with the same content. She is my biggest inspiration when it comes to podcasts, and I’ve learned quite a bit from her! So, what segment did I want to do that she inspired? I want to allow other creators to be able to share their stories that they’ve experienced as a content creator since we all have stories. It can be something appalling, disgusting, scamming, or any type of story that they want to share. I love telling my own experiences, but I know that some people have some that they want to share as well! This is a safe place, and a judgment-free zone, where creators can express themselves, and possibly put some of their previous buyers and experiences on blast. Because let’s be honest, we all need a little drama. And I want to point out that this segment isn’t to bash people, whether it’s the creator or the buyer, it isn’t to shame anyone, it’s to educate and let listeners and people who are thinking about making content know what actually happens. We don’t always express the negative aspects of it, and I want to do that. I want people to know that we have some people out there who get off or get a thrill out of us being uncomfortable. I want to try to make this a segment in the upcoming episodes, and if it doesn’t get a lot of traction, or I don’t have creators who want to share their stories, I’ll trash the idea and find something new to do. I also want to create a segment that walks you through tutorials on Onlyfans, for all the new creators who have no idea how the site works. I had to essentially figure everything out on my own, and I don’t others to struggle and potentially give up, due to not knowing how the site works. I’m not too sure how exactly I would do that, since tutorials are best understood with visuals, and I can’t put those in my podcast. I can definitely add them to my website, so I may do a few episodes where you have to go to it, or I can do a walkthrough describing what you do as well. I really do want to include this segment, and I will figure it out by any means possible.

Since I am uploading this episode on a Monday and not a Friday, I am either going to try and post one on Friday, so that we have 2 episodes this week, or I’m going to wait until next Friday to upload a new episode. It does depend on my daily schedule, and what I have planned out to discuss. Friday may be a short episode with some creator stories and tutorials, or it may be a long episode like I typically do. This episode was longer than most because I had a lot of stuff I wanted to talk about this week. I do want to get back to uploading episodes every Friday, and I will do whatever means possible to do that. Whether it means I have to make shorter episodes some weeks, or I have to rearrange my schedule, I will get it done. Now that I’m back to making content, I’ll be able to make weekly episodes again, and I’ll be able to tell all these stories like I’ve been doing. I’m also adding interactive things like polls and Q&As for you guys, so I know how you feel about the episode or some questions and comments you might have! I think I definitely racked my brain enough and entertained you guys long enough today, so please stay tuned for the next episode. Make sure to press the little bell on Spotify so you always get notified when I upload, just in case I do upload off schedule. Thank you guys so much for listening, and like always, I will see you in the next episode!